WCW The Great American Bash Review (6/11/2000).

18 Dec, 2024

Hello, reader.

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted on here. A lot has been happening in my personal life, and I just haven’t had the energy to write. Between losing my 3rd cat in two months, and being ghosted by my best friend of 16 years, it’s been a bit of a mess. But I am back, here to entertain you with my take on some of professional wrestling. This review comes at a great time. I’m pretty down in the dumps as of late, so I need something to lift my spirits. A show like this, in the middle of 2000 WCW, reminds me that things could always be worse.

As many of you may already know, WCW in the year 2000 was struggling, both creatively and financially. Left way behind in the dust of the success of the World Wrestling Federation, WCW was a sinking ship. Money was lost, and the creative side was an absolute mess. There were some high marks for this year, but the lows overwhelm it all. Simply put, WCW had become a subpar pro wrestling product. Much of that can be attributed to the creative mind of Vince Russo, former head writer in the WWF.

Now writing for WCW, Russo’s very “unique” style of imagination led to some of the most bizarre television pro wrestling has ever seen. Crash TV became the word of the week, as everything was going in 10 different directions, everybody was turning on everybody, not much made sense, and choices were made that caused fans and people within the business to question just how much longer WCW could stay afloat like this.

This PPV, June’s annual Great American Bash PPV, is widely considered to be not only the worst PPV WCW put out in 2000, but the worst PPV WCW ever did. It has it all – a multitude of gimmick matches, two major retirement matches back to back, a bunch of interference, shenanigans, and situations so unbelievable that you’d be convinced that the Brawl for All made more sense that this. I’m going into this show, but I hear that David Flair has the best match on the show. That is not a flex.

I need a good laugh after the time I’ve had recently. I believe this will give me what I’m looking for.

Two weeks ago on Nitro, Goldberg made his long awaited return to WCW. He had been out since for some time, due to a spot where it was supposed to look like he shattered a car window, but he ended up legitimately shattering a car window with his arm, and he nearly bled out. He helped save Kevin Nash from a beatdown. Six days prior to this, Goldberg wrestled Tank Abbott, and took a chair shot from Rick Steiner. Nash returned the favor, and helped Goldberg get the win in his return match. Goldberg was threatened with a suspension if he showed up at Thunder, but he did anyway. He’s possibly going to show up tonight, which could ruin the plans of Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo and the New Blood.

Fun fact: This PPV was originally billed to feature the biggest announcement in sports entertainment history, but once WCW realized they couldn’t live up to that hype, it was changed to “hey, what’s in store for Kevin Nash?”

1. WCW Cruiserweight Championship: Lt. Loco © vs. Disco Inferno.

Ah, the Misfits in Action, with all of their...terrible names. Lt. Loco is Chavo Guerrero, Jr. Major Gunns looks like a total smokeshow in 2000. General E. Rection calls a meeting in the ring with MIA, and he says that Loco’s mission tonight is to defend the title against Disco Inferno. Loco pulls a grenade out of his pocket. Listen, Disco sucks, but I don’t think you need to kill him. Disco is accompanied to the ring by the Filthy Animals.

The bell rings, and Disco slaps Loco in the face. Disco is wearing Lakers attire. Loco hits some punches, and hits a flipping clothesline. Loco with a standing crossbody, and he pounds his head off the mat. Disco flapjacks Loco off the top rope, and then he gives MIA what looks like the Suck It taunt. Good job, remind the audience that WWF is better. Loco with a head scissors that sends Disco to the floor. MIA taunt him, then beat the hell out of him. The referee seems fine with this blatant interference.

Loco with a gut wrench suplex for a 2 count. Back suplex from Loco, and Disco kicks out. Loco avoids a shot, and sends Disco to the floor again. Loco flies out of the ring onto Disco, and the Filthy Animals move out of the way. In the ring. Disco knees Loco to the floor, and the Animals start attacking Loco. MIA scare them off. Powerslam in the ring by Disco, and he follows with a middle rope double axe handle for a 2 count.

Clothesline by Disco, and Loco kicks out again. Here comes Pops, the grandfather of General Rection. Rey Mysterio and Konnan argue with the old man and shove him to the ground. MIA doesn’t care for this. The referee is distracted, and Juventud comes in and drops Loco with a Scorpion Deathdrop, but misses a Juvy elbow. Loco sends Juventud to the floor, and Disco catches him with The Last Dance. Corporal Cajun sneaks in with the Side Russian Legsweep behind the ref’s back. The ref does see him drag Loco onto Disco, and he wins to retain the title.

Post match, MIA and the Filthy Animals get into a big brawl. Major Gunns rips her shirt off, and gives Pops mouth to mouth. That was a match that happened. Too short to be anything, and what we saw just felt like two guys on auto pilot. It felt like Chavo worked pretty hard, though, so that’s not too bad. Disco Inferno is someone that I don’t think I’ll ever get into. The crowd was tepid throughout as well. Not what you would call a hot opening match.

Backstage, security talks to Eric Bischoff and lets him know that he has nothing to worry about. We cut to Mean Gene Okerlund, who’s interviewing the Mamalukes – Big Vito and Johnny the Bull. Vito, the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion, doesn’t sweat anything. Mean Gene questions whether Vito is the champion, or if Johnny is. A very Italian promo.

2. #1 Contenders Match for the WCW Tag Team Titles: KroniK vs. The Mamalukes.

Vito is still a few years away from being the toughest man to ever wear a dress.

The bell sounds, and KroniK clears the ring quickly. Johnny the Bull is going to start things off with Bryan Clarke. He chops Johnny in the corner, and hits a huge Urinage. Shoulder tackle by Clarke, and Johnny rolls to the floor. He chops Johnny against the barricade, and hits a Russian Legsweep against the steel. He brings Johnny back into the ring, who responds with a spinning heel kick. Vito tags in, and the Mamalukes double team Clarke. Vito is wearing the Hardcore Title during this match.

Clarke gets on the offensive, and attacks Vito in the corner. Vito with a back elbow, and some clubbing blows to the spine. Johnny tags in, and he gets a tilt a whirl backbreaker by Clarke. Brian Adams tags in, and he kicks and punches Johnny. Huge full nelson slam by Adams, and Vito breaks up the pin attempt. Clarke tags in, and he boots Johnny in the ribs. Running powerslam by Clarke, and Vito breaks up the pin. Adams tags back in, and eats a clothesline by Johnny. Adams lifts Johnny up, and drops him across his knee. Vito breaks up the pin once again. Johnny with a DDT out of nowhere. Vito shoves Adams down, and gloats. He splashes Adams in the corner, and misses another. Clarke tags in, and they hit a double back body drop to Vito. They throw the Hardcore Title out of the ring, and Adams hits an F5. Vito is able to kick out.

Big Mafia Kick by Vito, who tags Johnny in. Clarke is in, and Johnny dropkicks Adams out of the ring, then hits a powerslam to Clarke. Johnny jumps to the top rope, and misses a crossbody. KroniK double team Johnny with shoulder tackles, as Vito checks on the Hardcore Title. KroniK hit High Time on Johnny, and that gets them the win. They are the next challengers for Chuck Palumbo and Shawn Stasiak. That was mid. It didn’t feel like a match that belonged on PPV. KroniK isn’t great in the ring, so when they were on offense, things looked clunky. I’ll give credit to Vito and Johnny. They carried the match, and made the most of their character work.

Backstage, Diamond Dallas Page is interviewed about his upcoming match with Mike Awesome. DDP says Awesome isn’t a Career Killer, and he’s got something special coming for Awesome.

3. Ambulance Match: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome.

Man, Mike Awesome is a miss opportunity. A fantastic worker in FMW and ECW, he was fucking wasted in WCW.

DDP wheels his friend Chris Kanyon out on the stage. A month before this at Slamboree, Awesome tossed Kanyon off of the Triple Cage, and crashed through the entrance ramp. Fun fact: That was nearly a year since Owen Hart died, and both things happened in the same venue. Come on, WCW.

Both men brawl to start things out, and the referee is down less than 10 seconds in. Both men end up on the floor right away, with DDP getting irish whipped into the barricade by Awesome. DDP punches Awesome away, who grabs a chair in response. DDP swings one at him, and only hits the ring post. In the ring, they swing the chair at each other, with Awesome’s flying out of his hands. DDP hits him with his, and then follows with a neckbreaker.

Awesome fires back with a middle rope back elbow, and a back suplex. Awesome with a splash to DDP, and a clothesline. He guillotines DDP on the top rope, and then goes to the floor to grab a table. Kanyon is sitting on stage, and he looks catatonic. Awesome sets the table up, and goes to power bomb DDP through it, and he hits it perfectly. The paramedics lift DDP up and place him on the gurney. DDP rolls off just in time. Weird way to do this stip. You’d think Awesome would be the one to place him in the Ambulance.

Awesome hits DDP with a chair to the back, and rolls him back into the ring. More chair shots to the midsection, and the head that would make Masato Tanaka laugh his fucking ass off. Awesome goes to the top rope, and hits the Awesome Splash. That looked impressive. He goes up the opposite turnbuckle, and hits it again. He calls for one more, but this time, he places the chairs under him and on him. Awesome hits the Splash, and DDP rolls away. Awesome does not, in fact, hit the chairs.

Here comes Kimberly Page, and she hits DDP with a lead pipe. Now here comes Miss Hancock, who attacks Kimberly and drags her backstage. Awesome sends Page into the corner, and looks for something on the top rope, but DDP responds with a low blow, and a Diamond Cutter off the top rope. He places Awesome on the gurney, and Awesome is wheeled away. Eric Bischoff comes out with a chair, and DDP attacks him immediately. But Kanyon stands up from the wheelchair, and hits DDP with a Diamond Cutter off the stage! The camera almost missed all of that. Kanyon places DDP on the gurney, and Awesome rolls him into the Ambulance to win the match. Another disappointing match. This looked way better on paper, but the match itself was kind of there. Lots of brawling, and nothing else really.

This is the 3rd PPV in a row where Diamond Dallas Page has been betrayed by someone close to him – Kimberly Page at Spring Stampede, David Arquette at Slamboree, and Kanyon here. DDP probably shouldn’t have any friends.

4. Boot Camp Match: GI Bro vs. Shawn Stasiak.

GI Bro is Booker T. A terrible name for one of WCW’s few bright spots in 2000. Stasiak comes out to Curt Hennig’s entrance theme. He says that he’s a perfect soldier of fortune, and GI Bro meets him in the entrance way to start things out. Okay, I’m just going to call him Booker T. GI Bro is dumb as fuck.

Booker whips Stasiak into the steel steps. In the ring, Stasiak powerslams Booker to the mat. Booker fights back with a forearm and a powerslam of his own. Booker comes off the apron with fists to the back. He smashes Stasiak’s head off the barricade, then he tosses him into the front row. Booker with another head shot to the barricade, then he tosses him back to the floor. Chair shot to the head by Booker. In the ring, Booker hits an Axe Handle.

The referee was counting Stasiak. So, this is a Last Man Standing Match? Would’ve been nice if the rules were explained before the match started. Stasiak gets on the offensive, stomping on Booker and choking him against the mat. Back elbow by Stasiak, and Booker is able to get back to his feet. Because, why would a back elbow keep a guy down for 10? Booker with a boot out of the corner, and a spinning kick to the head.

Outside the ring, Stasiak brings Booker up to the ramp, and hits a suplex onto it. Stasiak sends Booker head first into the steel steps, and brings him back into the ring. He next hits a diving clothesline from the top rope. The referee counts, and Booker is up. He connects with a vertical suplex. Stasiak is back up with a clothesline. He tosses Booker back to the floor, and into the front row. They brawl for a bit, and Stasiak hits Booker with a chair to the back.

Booker is back to his feet, and Stasiak stays on the offensive. They’re back in the ring, and Stasiak hits a release powerbomb. Booker is barely back to his feet, and Stasiak locks him in a sleeper hold. Faint “boring” chants from the crowd. Oops, now the chant is getting louder! Booker is back to his feet, and he hits an Angle Slam to Stasiak. He follows up with a Harlem Sidekick, and then the Book End. The referee counts, and Stasiak is back up. Booker comes off the top rope, and hits a beautiful missile dropkick.

Here comes Chuck Palumbo, Stasiak’s partner. Booker takes him out with the Axe Kick, but Stasiak takes advantage with a weapon’s shot. Booker is back up, and the Tag Champions double team Booker. He fights back with a double clothesline to both men, and then hits the Spinnarooni. Side kick to both men, and he strikes Palumbo with the weapon. He then decks Stasiak in the head with it. That’s enough for the win.

A very boring match that was helped solely by Booker T’s work. He worked the crowd, and he was fun to watch. Stasiak was just punches and kicks, start to finish. Also, for a match with Last Man Standing rules, this was tame. Another match that felt like everyone was going through the motions.

Backstage, Chris Kanyon is interviewed by Mean Gene. He wants to know why he attacked DDP. Kanyon says that Eric Bischoff visited him more than DDP did in the hospital, and that’s why he did what he did. We get footage of DDP breaking out of the ambulance, and walking away. In the distance, we see the Goldberg Monster Truck arrriving.

5. Tables Match: Shane Douglas vs. The Wall.

I know about the Wall because of the infamous Hulk Hogan promo from the prior March - “That’s the Wall, brother!” Shane Douglas, the Franchise, is someone I have never seen as a top guy. I did once see someone online refer to him as “The French Fries,” which I thought was hilarious.

The rules of this match are simple: It’s a Best of 5 Series, with tables. Whoever puts their opponent through three tables wins the match. This was Douglas’ idea in his pre match promo, as he wants to give Baltimore a “drag ass brawl.” Douglas attacks right at the bell, which seems to be the theme tonight. Wall with a boot to Douglas, and a press slam. Wall with some shots to the midsection in the corner. Douglas goes for a neckbreaker, but Wall shrugs him down and gives him a clothesline.

Wall throws him into the turnbuckle, and continues to punch him against the ropes. Douglas with a running knee to the chest, but Wall is right back up, lifting Douglas in the air. Douglas with a rake to the eyes, and he follows with a front suplex. Hearing commentary say sports entertainment is wild. Douglas sends Wall to the floor, and kicks him over one of the many tables at ringside. Douglas smashes his head off the barricade, and then whips him into it.

He goes to suplex Wall through the table, but Wall counters with a Urinage that sends Douglas crashing through. That’s 1 fall for The Wall. Hey, that rhymes! Douglas attempts to fight back, but Wall throws him through another table. That’s 2 already for The Wall. Back in the ring, Douglas tries to beg for mercy, and Wall just kicks him in the gut. Low blow by Douglas, and another. Back to back Dick Kick City.

Douglas leaves the ring, and baits Wall to come up to the stage. I just heard the phrase “no selling the low blow” on commentary. Ah, breaking the fourth wall, bro! There’s a huge ladder set up by the stage, along with several tables stacked on top of each other. Wall throws Douglas into the barricade. Douglas smashes Wall’s face against the ladder, then he climbs it. Wall follows him up there, as we get a faint “ECW” chant.

They fight atop the ladder, until The Wall grabs him by the throat. He goes to chokeslam Douglas, but he uses brass knuckles to knock Wall backwards, through three tables. Douglas takes the match. Another boring, uneventful match. Why was this on PPV? Every match so far would be fine on TV. But on a show people are paying to see? I don’t see any effort, any urgency. It’s all just people going through the motions. That’s what this was, too. Another match that starts with brawling, with very little drama. I’ll admit the finish was creative, but that isn’t saving this match.

Post match, The Wall is back up, and he chokeslams the referee through a table.

Outside the arena, the police escort moves out of the way for the Dodge Charger pulling in. It’s Hollywood Hulk Hogan, in full gear, arriving over an hour into this PPV.

6. Handicap Asylum Match for the WCW United States Championship: Scott Steiner © vs. Rick Steiner & Tank Abbott.

Steiner and Abbott start brawling, as Dave Penzer makes an announcement that Rick Steiner has been added to this match, making it a handicap match. This was done, because the Asylum Match is Scott’s signature match (it’s not), so this is to give Tank Abbott – the former UFC fighter – an even playing field. Rick enters the ring, and attacks his brother. 2 on 1 attack on the champion, as the Asylum lowers down. This is a small looking cage that fits nicely inside the ring.

They irish whip Scott into the cage, as Rick trash talks the Freaks on the apron. More shots to Scott into the cage. Rick with an elbow right to the Big Poppa Pumps! Rick holds Scott up, as Tank takes his gloves off, and wraps a chain around his fist. Rick now argues against the chain, and Tank accidentally hits Rick with the chain. Scott with a low blow, and he uses the chain to punch Tank down. Steiner Recliner locked in, and Scott wins and retains the US Title. What a complete waste of time. I would love to know how much money it took to construct this tiny cage, only for it to be used in a 3 minute shit match. Easily the worst match of the night so far. Scott Steiner looks like an absolute megastar, in spite of this.

Outside the arena, a limo has pulled up, and inside is Ric Flair. He brought his whole family here for his big match with his son. If you look closely, you can see a young Charlotte Flair with him. The Goldberg Monster Truck is still driving around outside.

We go to a video package for the Hulk Hogan/Billy Kidman match. If you aren’t super familiar with WCW lore, I promise that this was an actual feud that happened in 2000, and you can probably guess how it turned out. If Hogan wins, he gets a WCW Title match at Bash at the Beach, and if Kidman wins, then Hogan must retire. To make things harder for Hogan, Horace Hogan is the special referee for this.

Backstage, Mean Gene interviews Hogan, who calls Kidman a “flea market champion.” He promises that this will get ugly, and he says that blood is thicker than New Blood in regards to Horace Hogan.

7. Retirement vs. Title Shot Match w/Special Referee Horace Hogan: Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Billy Kidman.

You know, for a match of this magnitude – the retirement of one of wrestling’s biggest stars, they’re not really treating this like it could be Hogan’s last match. There’s a sign in the crowd that says “The Real HHH – Hollywood Hulk Hogan.” The bell sounds, and it’s refreshing to see a match on this show not start with brawling. They lock up, and Hogan forces Kidman away twice. He unloads with punches, and sends Kidman to the floor.

Hogan follows him, and brings him back into the ring. He talks trash to Kidman, and kicks him in the gut. Big boot to the head by Hogan, and Kidman rolls to the outside. Hogan sends Kidman chest first into the barricade, and high fives a kid. Hogan with multiple punches to Kidman’s head, and he brings him back inside the ring. He chokes Kidman into the mat, and Horace admonishes him. Kidman goes on the offensive, and he starts to choke Hogan in the corner. Hogan with a low blow right in front of Horace. He takes his weight belt off, and spins it over top his head. He whips Kidman with the belt a few times, and Kidman rolls to the floor once again. Hogan with a big punch to the head, and now he grabs a chair. Kidman dropkicks it into his head, and the chair nearly hits the fans in the front row. Kidman uses the chair on Hogan’s back a few times. In the ring, Kidman makes the cover, and Hogan kicks out.

On the outside, Hogan and Kidman exchanges punches, and Hogan follows by sending Kidman into the barricade a few times. Another chair shot to the back, and Hogan brings Kidman back into the ring. More punches by Hogan, and Kidman blocks a power slam with a DDT onto the chair. He covers, and Hogan kicks out. Kidman lands some elbows to the chest, and now he goes to the top. He connects with a splash, and Hogan kicks out again.

Kidman attacks Hogan’s back in the corner, as the crowd tries to will him on. Hogan points at Kidman, and punches him down a few times. 10 punches in the corner, followed by a clothesline. Kidman rolls to the floor. For fuck’s sake, how many times is that? Kidman sends Hogan into the ring post. He rushes Hogan, who responds with a hip toss that sends Kidman through the announcer’s table. Holy shit, that was awesome, because it was unexpected!

Hogan continues to attack Kidman, as Torrie Wilson makes her way to ringside. Her and Kidman have had problems in the past. Hogan and Kidman are in the ring, and Torrie is on the apron. She hands Hogan brass knuckles, and Kidman nails Hogan, causing him to send Torrie to the floor. Kidman uses the brass knuckles on Hogan, and makes the cover, but Hogan kicks out. Kidman stomps on Hogan in the corner. Horace pulls him away, and Kidman knocks Horace out with the knuckles.

Torrie is in the ring, and she low blows Kidman. Hogan grabs the knucks, and decks Kidman. Horace is up, and he counts, and Hogan wins to save his career. Bleh. I can’t get into Hulk Hogan as a wrestler. Fuck him as a human being, and he’s weak as a wrestler. This felt like the same sequence four or five times in a row. I don’t think Billy Kidman got anything positive out of this feud. For a Retirement Match, this has zero drama. The hip toss through the table spot was incredible, so I won’t call it a total dud.

With his win, Hogan earns a WCW Title Match at Bash at the Beach. If you know your history, you know that that doesn’t go well at all.

Backstage, Eric Bischoff brings up the Goldberg Monster Truck to security. They tell him that everything is under control.

Backstage, Vince Russo says that David Flair is going to retire his father. Mean Gene is with Ric Flair, who says that he’s going to style and profile one more time, and his whole promo is so coked out, I can’t even describe it.

8. Retirement Match: Ric Flair vs. David Flair.

David comes out here, wearing a T shirt and blue jeans. Great attire choice for retiring one of the greatest of all time. Russo is with him, and carrying a baseball bat. Ric’s family is sitting at ringside for this. It is odd hearing commentary refer to him as the 15 time World Champion. I’m so used to hearing 16 times. The bell sounds, and Ric is strutting around already. They lock up, and David with the side headlock. Ric hammerlocks the arm and sends David to the mat.

Ric with the side headlock, and he forces David to the corner, and slaps him. They lock up, and David has somewhat of the advantage. David with some forearms to the jaw, and some chops to Ric. He irish whips Ric to the corner, and flips him upside down. Both are on the floor, and David continues to chop at his father. David sends Ric to the barricade, and back into the ring. David lifts his dad up and hits a suplex.

David follows that up with a sleeper hold. Ric counters it with a back suplex. Ric rips his shirt off, and chops the hell out of David. He punches David some more, and continues the onslaught of chops. Ric brings him to the floor, and chops him again. Back in the ring, David is able to clothesline Ric to the floor. He distracts the referee, and Vince Russo attacks Ric with the baseball bat. Then, he handcuffs him.

David puts the Figure Four Leglock on Ric. The blasphemy! David transitions to top position, where he unloads with several punches. The referee pulls David off of him, and argues with him. Russo attacks Ric, but here comes little Reid Flair to stop him. Russo shoves the kid down, and Reid low blows him. David sends Reid away, as the referee unlocks the handcuffs. Ric chops David to the mat, as the future Charlotte Flair comes in to handcuff Russo on the outside. Back body drop by Ric to David. Russo yells at Charlotte, calling her a bitch.

Ric stomps on the family jewels, and then whips David into the corner. Ric drills his son with a beautiful suplex. Ric shakes his stuff towards Russo, as David begs for mercy. He pokes the eye, and goes to the top rope. Ric grabs him, and sends him flying. Ric with a knee to the face, and some punches right to the head. Ric drops all his weight across David’s leg. Now he’s got David in the middle of the ring with the Figure Four, and David submits. Ric saves his career.

Definitely the best match of the night, though I do believe it was too silly to come off as a serious retirement match. Ric carried the match by himself, and drug his son David to a decent outing. It was nice to see Charlotte and Reid get involved. Russo shoving the kid was genuinely shocking. He didn’t look like he held back. Overall, not the worst match I’ve seen, and considering how this show has turned out so far, that’s a huge compliment.

Post match, Vince Russo says that his family has chopped him for the last time, as Flair’s family give him the DX crotch chop. Russo promises to retire Ric tomorrow on Nitro. Oh okay, so what was the point of this match on PPV?

We get a video package hyping up the Sting/Vampiro match.

9. Human Torch Match: Sting vs. Vampiro.

Vampiro lights a blow torch on the ramp, and he carries a gas can to the ring. Sting enters to the badass Metallica song “Seek and Destroy,” and he pulls the blow torch up to the top of the tron. Sting is up there, and he has a microphone. He asks Vampiro if he’s afraid of heights. Sting isn’t, and if Vampiro wants to torch him, he’s got to climb up there. Vampiro isn’t happy, and he says it’s bullshit. Sting repels from the tron, and the torch remains high above.

The bell sounds, and Sting rushes the ring. Vampiro stomps on him, and hits a spinning heel kick. Sting fires back with a scoop slam, and a series of clotheslines. Stinger Splash in the corner, and he flapjacks Vampiro into the top turnbuckle. Vampiro avoids a second one, and he grabs a gas can. He pours a lot of it onto Sting’s head, and Sting rolls to the floor. Vampiro follows, and pours the rest of the gas onto Sting. Irish whip into the barricade, as both men make their way up to the stage. Sting fights back with a low blow, and he sends Vampiro into one of the steel truces.

Vampiro sends Sting into the steel, and he climbs up to the top of the tron. Sting follows him, but Vampiro kicks him down, and he crashes to the floor. Vampiro continues to make the climb up, but Sting is right back up to climb after him. They’re both 45 feet up in the air, and the lights have dimmed in the arena, like thunder. Sting and Vampiro throw shots at each other, and both men are down. Both are back up, and they continue to punch at each other.

Vampiro knocks Sting down, and he goes to grab the torch. He hits Sting with a DDT. Vampiro has the torch, and he lights Sting on fire, and Sting makes a huge dive off of the stage, crashing to the floor below. Vampiro wins.

Oh boy. Okay, let’s not talk about the match just yet. All the weeks leading to this show, and before the match, we heard all the excitement for this match, and how someone was going to set on fire. They were even saying “oh man, I hope it’s Sting.” And then, as soon as it happens, they go into their serious Owen Hart voices. They call Sting by his real name, Steve Borden, and they treat this like a serious situation that just got too real. They even say “this isn’t wrestling anymore.”

Fuck that shit. Stop doing the Owen Hart voice bullshit in wrestling. It’s disgusting. Stop talking all serious about stuff, especially after you spend so much time hyping this up the same way you’ve hyped up everything else on this damn show. Either treat it serious the whole time, or treat it like it’s apart of the show.

The match itself was whatever. It was building to the eventual fire spot, and the fire spot sucked anyway. It was a stunt man, not Sting. Also, it’s tasteless to do a SECOND spot like this in a month, with Owen Hart’s death happening one year prior. Fuck this.

Backstage, Eric Bischoff says that there is no big surprise, and that’s the surprise for the night. Imagine paying for this PPV to see a surprise, and hearing that.

Legendary announcer Michael Buffer is going to try to transition from a man falling to his apparent death on fire to the main event of the PPV.

10. WCW World Heavyweight Championship: Jeff Jarrett © vs. Kevin Nash.

Jarrett and Nash make their entrances, but now here comes Ernest Miller. The Cat! He asks for the attention of the audience. He says that he has some important celebrity guests to introduce. We have a special guest bell ringer, and it’s Konnan. We have a special guest time keeper, and it’s not a child, but it’s unmasked Rey Mysterio. Disco Inferno is the guest belt keeper. Juventud is the guest ring announcer, even though Buffer announced already. Oh, and The Cat is the guest ringside enforcer.

A Jeff Jarrett main event, with these kinds of shenanigans? If you’ve seen one, you’ve certainly seen them all.

The bell sounds, and here we go. They lock up, and Nash forces Jarrett into the turnbuckle. They lock up again, and Nash pushes Jarrett again. A third lock up, and a third push. The Filthy Animals provide a distraction, and Jarrett gets Nash in the corner with some punches. Nash with a couple of knees to the gut, and he tosses Jarrett across the ring. In the corner, Nash drives his knee into the gut, and he follows with an elbow to the head. Everyone stops for a moment, and we get a huge Goldberg chant. Nash with a Suck It taunt, and he drops himself across Jarrett’s back in the ropes. On the floor, Jarrett sends Nash into the ring post. Nash whips Jarrett into the barricade. He drops Jarrett chest first on the announcer’s table, and sends him into the front row. They fight further into the fans, all around the arena. Nash grabs a chair and hits Jarrett with it.

They make their way back to ringside, and Nash gets his knee attacked by Mysterio with a chair. The Animals throw Nash into the ring. Jarrett uses the chair on the knee repeatedly, until the referee takes it away. Took him long enough. Jarrett drops all his weight across Nash’s knee. Jarrett attempts the Figure Four, but Nash kicks him away. Jarrett is right back, and he drops the elbow on the knee. Jarrett applies the Half Crab to Nash next.

Jarrett stomps on Nash’s leg, and he’s able to lock in the Figure Four Leglock. Nash is able to reach his long arms to the ropes to break the hold. Jarrett argues with the referee, and Konnan decks Nash with the ring bell. Jarrett covers, and Nash kicks out. Nash with a big sidewalk slam, and Jarrett kicks out. Nash knocks Juventud down, and elbows Mysterio off the top rope. Nash avoids a belt shot, and decks Jarrett with it instead.

He covers, but Disco Inferno comes in to attack the referee. Nash beats the hell out of him, but eats a chair shot by Juventud. The Animals throw Nash into the ring, as The Cat comes in to referee the match now. Jarrett makes the cover, and even with a fast count by The Cat, Nash kicks out. Disco is in with a sleeper hold, but Nash drops him. Nash boots Mysterio, and attacks Konnan and Juventud. Jarrett hits the Stroke out of nowhere. He covers, and Nash is still able to kick out.

Jarrett gets his guitar, and goes to the middle rope. Nash grabs him by the throat, and chokeslams him. He covers, but The Cat fakes an eye injury to stop counting. Nash kicks him, and hits the Jacknife Powerbomb. Big boot to Jarrett, as Nash pulls the straps down. He drills Jarrett with the Jacknife, but here comes Rick Steiner to attack Nash. Tank Abbott and Scott Steiner are also brawling near the stage. The Animals attack Nash.

The sound of a Monster Truck roars through the arena. Goldberg is here! He gets the biggest pop of the night, easily and it’s not even close. Goldberg is in the ring, and he’s gearing up to spear Jarrett, but instead, he spears Nash. He yells at Jarrett to cover Nash. Goldberg drags the referee in, and he counts the 3. Jarrett wins and retains. Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo are now coming to the ring. Goldberg stares them down, and then grabs them both for a hug. The New Blood celebrates in the ring, as the PPV goes off the air.

And that’s The Great American Bash! Holy hell, that show fucking sucked. This show had zero redeemable qualities, and zero reasons to ever return to it. Every single match, in some form or fashion, just felt lifeless, repetitive, and generally unimportant, despite whatever build they had. Lots of kicking and punching, rinse and repeat. Every match was at least bad, but the only outright horrible match I saw was the Asylum Match. That was a total waste of 3 minutes of my life. I didn’t even think the Human Torch Match was bad, but the ending and the post match “Owen voice” bullshit was ridiculous.

The main event was an overbooked clusterfuck mess, which is what I expect when I’m watching a 2000 WCW PPV main event featuring Jeff Jarrett. I love him, but this is not his strong suit. On the rest of the card, you have so many lethargic matches that don’t seem to matter, or have no drama, or sense of urgency. The best match was Ric and David Flair, and even that was a silly smoke and mirrors show.

I will say, though, that even though the matches themselves weren’t great, I did see some individual performances that are worth mentioning. At first glance, The Mamalukes seem like incredibly annoying characters with Italian stereotypes, but props to Vito and Johnny the Bull. They worked hard in their match, and I appreciated the effort. Booker T made anything he did in WCW entertaining, and that was true here, as he was the only thing keeping me awake during the most boring Last Man Standing Match ever, the Boot Camp Match. Scott Steiner felt like a star, even though his match was utter dogshit.

And you know what? I really like DDP and Mike Awesome, so their match was probably my favorite to watch, even though it was very underwhelming. I don’t care about Hulk Hogan, or his need to look strong in every match he’s in, so his Retirement Match was a total dud. The Cruiserweight Title match was too short to be anything, and is a far cry from the days of Dean Malenko and Chris Jericho. And The Wall aside, I simply do not give a fuck about anything Shane Douglas does. Him and his raspy voice just don’t do it for me.

Oh, and Goldberg’s heel turn at the end of the show? Horrible. Vince Russo wanted to turn Goldberg heel because he felt like it. Not because it made sense, or that it would have great storyline justification, but because he felt like it. And you know what? It fucking flopped, as it should.

Was this show horrible? Yes. Did it give me a good laugh? Also, yes. Will I ever watch it again? Fuck no.